Thursday, April 23, 2009

Why Zombies Make Bad Toothfairies:

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Why do Zombies make bad toothfairies? Because they'll screw it up everytime. It doesn't matter how good their intentions are. Pasty-faced, mostly dead people just don't fit in with the wand-waving, curly-haired perfectionists. They never will. How do I know? Experience.

I've been a zombie for the last week and a half. My Dr. called it an upper respiratory infection. But I know better. My body had been infected by the zombie-mites and were working over-time to claim my entire being.

Some people might call my Dr. just well . . . um . . . Doctor. But I call her THE ZOMBIE SLAYER. And she gave me wonderful horse pills that I refer to as anti-zombie pills! So, if you ever suspect that you've become a zombie, promptly see your local Zombie Slayer and ask him/her for anti-zombie pills. Of course, if you do, they may throw in a few extra pills and a free pass for a mental exam. Anyway . . . I'm getting off track.

Anyway, my 7 year old lost a tooth yesterday. It's her 5th tooth in the last few months. She lost it at school so her teacher put it in a plastic baggie and written in marker it said "We have a tooth that's ready for the Tooth Fairy.

Also, Last night my 5 year old was complaining of an ear ache.

I put the 7 year old to bed w/ her plastic baggie and tooth neatly tucked under the pillow. Then, I tended to the 5 year old who I was comforting on the downstairs couch. By time the 5 year old was calm and sleepy enough to go to bed, I was also very sleepy, over-whelmed and frazzled.

You know where this is going don't you. You're so smart.

I forgot about the tooth. When I woke up my 7 year old for school this morning and she complained that she was too tired to get up, I remembered and hoped she would fight getting up (see, zombies are backwards) so that I could grab some money and do the ol' switcheroo before she noticed anything.

I grabbed 3 dollars. 1 dollar is our standard rate. The other 2 dollars were to cover my guilt. I went back into my daughers room where I found her holding her plastic baggie and looking near tears as she caressed her tooth. (At this point I wondered if I should've gone back and gave her $5 instead of $3.)

Luckily, I was on day 7 of my anti-zombie pills so I was able to think quickly. I handed her the money and said, "The tooth fairy gave this money to me so that I could explain to you that this is an EXTRA special tooth. She allows kids to keep special teeth. Since you lost this tooth at school, your teacher wrote on the baggie and it's your first top row tooth that you've lost, The Tooth Fairy thinks that this is a special tooth that you should keep. WOW! How about that! That's one special tooth! Plus! She gave you $3 dollars instead of the regular $1. Wow!"

She was extatic. Whew! That was a close one. I blame the zombie state for the mess up. Thankfully my anti-zombie pills had done there job to give me a clear enough head or else . . . yikes! I would've had to give her $50 or something.

I'm all for equal opportunity employment, except for the case of zombies who want to be tooth fairies. It just never works.

19 comments:

slhastings said...

Ahhh....you narrowly escaped what could have been a sticky situation. Quick thinking on your part. You should write a PB about the Zombie Toothfairy – I'm seeing an Ed Gorey concept here.

Solvang Sherrie said...

I made the same screw up not long ago. But my son had left the tooth in a glass with water because it had been pretty bloody when it came out the night before. So when I heard him in his room yelling that the tooth fairy hadn't come, I ran to the kitchen counter and stuck the money under the glass.

Glad the zombie pills are working!

PJ Hoover said...

I made the same mistake, but thankfully, it was after my son figured out the truth :) Still, I had to recover somehow, though I have no idea how.

beth said...

OH!!! That is such a sweet and funny story!!!

Jacqui said...

That was fast thinking. Tink is about to lose her first tooth and I hadn't even thought of all the new challenges for me!

Rena said...

Oh, how funny. I'm glad the story worked and she was happy. Been there, done that, sadly.

I hope you're feeling better!

adrienne said...

That was quick thinking! Yes, I've been there, too. Sometimes the tooth fairy just has too much on her mind.

Angela said...

Ha, you are awesome!! That's some fast thinking, Woman!

Zombie Power!

Bish Denham said...

That is one quick thinking Tooth Fairy. I wish she had come by my house when I was a kid and given me a dollar. I only got 25 cents!

Glad you're feeling better and that the zombies are being/have been repelled.

Kate said...

I've never spoken to a zombie before. Hello!
I did the same thing the other night with my daughter's tooth. She got up at 6am and no money. Fortunately it's holidays and Dad sees to breakfast during holidays. So I snuck into her room while he did that (thank goodness she'd left the tooth there) and did the good deed. We told her the tooth fairy was confused at us turning the clocks back a few weeks ago and was running late. It's a good job we have imaginations isn't it!

momack said...

That was so funny! Those close calls make us so resourceful!!

Kelly said...

Good coverup! My daughter always wishes she could have the tooth AND the money. I forgot for my son but he thought of the answer why himself. He said, "I put it smack in the middle and I usually put it on the side. She must not have been able to get it with my head on it!" I said, "That MUST be it!"
Okay one more thing, I got an anonymous comment by "mr chicken" that said my blog got a chicken virus from christy's blog....
It made me nervous, did you hear anything like this?
I hope you are feeling 100% soon, too, Christy, you've had a bad bout of sickness!

Craft Write said...

That's hysterical. Good maneuvering. Years from now you'll have a good laugh over this with your daughter and she'll remember your quick thinking skills with her daughters.

Kelly said...

Phew! I thought it might be a joke, but was just checking to be sure! :)

Shelli said...

the things we come up with to keep the magic in our kids eyes ;)

Craft Write said...

I got the same comment on my blog (the anonymous chicken thing). Do you know about this? I just rejected the comment. Hope you're feeling much better.

Brenda said...

What quick thinking! Glad it all worked out...

C.R. Evers said...

~gosh~ I'm so late in responding. I'm touched by the responses. And quite frankly, I'm very relieved to know that I'm not the only mommy to have missed a tooth fairy visit.

And I"m pleased to say that I feel like I'm am only 10% zombie. That's about normal for me.

D.A. Riser said...

My son hasn't reached the tooth fairy stage - he's just getting them in at this point, but I'm sure I'll encounter the same thing. Good work covering for the Tooth Fairy. This parenting stuff is serious work, huh?