Monday, October 20, 2008

Evil puppet-master sock-nappers and other sock theories


First I will address the obvious:
*Yes those are a picture of our family socks
*Yes I took the picture
and
*Yes I realize that posting picture of my socks most likely indicates that I have some sort of blogging dependency problem. I will tackle that issue once my friends and family successfully carry out an intervention. (but they have to catch me first)

Now. Take a good look at the picture above. Notice anything? Like maybe NONE of those socks have a match!!!!!! Where did they all go? This is just one load.

Sure, recently I discovered that my 6 year old was using socks for Barbie dresses and sleeping bags but that only accounts for a handful of our missing footwear. What about the others?

I wonder if there are some evil puppet-masters that go around sock-napping freshly washed footwear in order to exploit them for their shows. Or maybe my house is a safe haven for disgruntled socks everywhere. Take a look at the picture. Maybe one of these socks ran away from your house and have sought refuge here. Perhaps I shall start taking individual sock pictures and putting them on milk cartons and junk-mail post-cards. MISSING SOCK!

Strangely enough, a friend brought to my attention (thanks John!) that there are web-sites like everything2.com/index.pl?node_id=24013 that explore the explanation of missing socks. Some of these include wormholes, communism, sock gnomes and my personal favorite is here in quotes.
"Quantum Theory of Socks"


SocksSchröedinger's Special Theory of Socks stipulates that not only do socks in a washing machine exist in all possible states for socks, but they also exist in all possible states for other objects. Theoretically, you have a jumbo jet, the remaining members of Crosby, Stills, Nash, Young, and Friends, the Lindbergh baby, and God knows what else floating around in your washing machine. It's not really that difficult how to understand that if you suddenly leap into the washing room and yell "Boo!", the ur-laundry will suddenly have to resolve itself into socks. Which means that some of your socks will get it wrong, as the universe can be kind of slow on the uptake sometimes. So don't be surprised when in addition to suddenly missing socks, you also have three of some socks (of which you had two only a few hours previous) and some unidentifiable objects. This is why so many theoretical physicists are also raging alcoholics.



Now it's your turn. What's your theory?

20 comments:

PJ Hoover said...

Maybe they all got teleported to my house and vice versa. It makes people more creative when their socks don't match. Right?

John said...

I personally think they all travel to "an Undisclosed Location" and watch old episodes of "Cheri Lewis and Lambchop", but that's just me!

Jacqui said...

I have no theory, though I have discovered many disgustingly soggy baby socks in the crannies of my washer. But I think your one-woman thrash band should be called "Puppet-Master Sock-Nappers."

Kelly said...

I have a bin full of single socks with no matches. How could that many be missing?! I think fairies take them and use them for sleeping bags. Imagine how cozy they'd be!

Kate said...

I think Kelly might be on to something there. But I don't think they use them as sleeping bags. I think they're donated to Tooth Fairies all over the world to carry teeth and coins in.

C.R. Evers said...

PJ, you're right. And socks w/ crazy designs and individual toe "gloves" rate among the highest for creativity.


John, I think that's the most logical theory I've heard yet. ;0)

Jacqui, how did you know I was searing for a name for my one-woman trash band? You must be a mind reader.

Kelly, ooooh, yes, especially the nice fluffy socks that people wear insead of slippers. :0)

Kate, you might be onto something too. I bet the fairies embellish the bags with fairy dust and and magic gems before donating!

Guys, I think there might be a PB idea brewing around here! :0)

adrienne said...

My daughter never wears matching socks anyway...I guess she thinks it's too much trouble to match them up!
Missing socks are less of a mystery when you have an eight month old puppy in the house.

Rena said...

I don't seem to have this problem. Maybe one every now and then ...

However, I do see a PB idea here!

Tabitha said...

I think there's a special "sock dimension" that socks enter either from the washer or dryer. I swear they're all there when I put them in the washer, but I seem to be missing half of them when I pull them out of the dryer. And there must be rules as to who can go into the dimension, because whole pairs don't go missing. Just one sock.

So what I want to know is what's so enticing about this silly dimension? Is it sock heaven, where no stinky feet shove them into suffocating shoes? If so, it's amazing that we have any socks left. :)

Brenda said...

If you would ever have the chance to smell my sons feet...DON'T...grin...

I think these socks run away from all the smelly feets of the world...they dig holes in our dryers and the ones that don't get out before the dryer is done, covers it up so we can't see it...in the hopes that the next time they are tossed in there, they will be able to escape and live in the fresh, fresh world where smelly feet don't get shoved into socks! grin...

Janelle said...

Duh Christy - : ) It's the Borrowers. Didn't you ever read those books: "Borrowers," "Borrowers Afloat," etc, when you were a kid? They explain where ALL of our little missing items go. Once you read them, you'll be glad to give those little folks "ALL" of your socks!

If you haven't read them -- you are welcome to borrow mine.

Kim Kasch said...

Your basket is tiny in comparison to my family's basket. We have hundreds. Soccer, basketball, dress, holiday - all kinds of socks or should I say "sock" 'cause none have matches.

We have a sock gremlin living amongst us. We started buying only white socks so they would always match. Of course we all look like dorks when we were black pants - you got to have a little give and take to survive with sock gremlins ;-)

Carrie Harris said...

Yep. I have an entire laundry basket full of single socks. The laundry fairies take them. And probably put them under people's pillows... or am I getting them confused with the tooth fairies? I think I need a nap. :)

sruble said...

"Yes I realize that posting picture of my socks most likely indicates that I have some sort of blogging dependency problem."

Yet your sock picture is much more pretty than my picture of the burned dryer in the laundry room. I am jealous, and I think the dryer torched your socks.

Either that, or the underpants gnomes (South Park) have branched off into socks to get more profit.

Fun post. I like your picture ;)

taralazar said...

UGH! I HATE SOCKS!

My five year-old hates them too, and usually rips them right off her feet as soon as she gets home from school. She'd leave them strewn about the house, so I cracked down. If you take off the socks, they go immediately in the hamper. If I find a lone sock on the living room floor, it's a time out. Seriously. Otherwise there's not a matching pair to be found.

The other day my toddler lost her sock. I looked for it everywhere. It drove me crazy. And then I changed her diaper. She had stuffed it in there. Lovely pee-soaked sock.

C.R. Evers said...

yep! socks are eeeevil! Maybe that should be capitol. EEEEEvil!

Even I've resorted to wearing non-matching pairs from time to time. shhhhhh don't tell anyone!

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